Anton Guinea
Entrepreneur, Speaker, bestselling author, and founder of The Guinea Group of Companies. For over 15 years, Anton has helped leaders move their teams to become psychologically safe, physically safe and overall better versions of themselves.
Have you ever rehearsed a tough conversation in your head so many times that you talked yourself out of actually having it?
I’ve been there. Most leaders have. We go over every word, every possible reaction, and every worst-case scenario—until we’re paralysed by our own planning. The truth is, the more we overthink it, the harder it becomes to just show up as ourselves.
You don’t need the perfect script
One of the biggest myths I see leaders believe is that hard conversations require flawless delivery. That if we say the exact right thing, we’ll avoid conflict. But let me tell you: avoiding conflict doesn’t create clarity. It just creates confusion wrapped in politeness.
I’ve had clients spend hours preparing lines like they’re stepping into a courtroom. And I get it. I used to do the same. But the goal isn’t to win the exchange—it’s to clear the air. If your intention is right, the words don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be honest.
Your mindset is more important than your message
I read a brilliant insight in this article on preparing for difficult conversations—that preparation isn’t about scripting what you’ll say. It’s about getting clear on how you want to show up.
When I work with leaders, we don’t just practise what to say. We get crystal clear on the tone, posture, and intent. Because how you show up matters more than the words. That’s something I expand on in our leadership coaching sessions too—real communication starts with emotional control, not memorised phrases.
It’s something echoed again in this Forbes article on difficult workplace conversations, where leaders are reminded to balance courage with clarity.
Clarity first, courage second
Someone once asked me how to prepare to give difficult feedback. I told them: start by knowing why the conversation matters. If you’re going in to correct someone, are you doing it because you care? Or because you’re frustrated?
That distinction matters. It changes your delivery. When feedback comes from care, it lands differently.
In this piece on giving tough feedback, I talk about how timing and tone are everything. You don’t need to delay a hard conversation—you just need to be prepared enough to speak it without heat.
There’s also a helpful perspective in this piece from Headspace that reinforces how leading from a grounded place can keep the conversation productive rather than reactive.
Don’t overcomplicate what’s human
I remember reading a thread online where someone asked how to tell their roommate they didn’t want to hang out every night. Simple ask, right? But they were frozen by guilt, second-guessing how it would come across.
It reminded me how often we overthink things that are completely reasonable. Saying, “I need space,” or “I need to share something tricky,” shouldn’t feel like betrayal. It should feel like self-respect.
If you’re stuck in your head, get into your body
Here’s something I do before tough conversations: I ground myself physically. Deep breaths. Straight spine. Feet flat. Because if I’m up in my head rehearsing, I’m not present.
And presence? That’s your superpower in difficult talks. People can feel when you’re grounded—and they trust you more when you are.
We teach these types of reset techniques in our corporate leadership programs, because confidence starts with embodied calm, not charisma.
Conversation starters that don’t make it awkward
Still not sure how to begin? Here are a few openers I use:
- “This might be a bit uncomfortable, but I think it’s important.”
- “I’ve been sitting on something I’d like to clear up.”
- “Can I share something that’s been on my mind?”
These aren’t clever. But they’re real. And that’s what people want—real over rehearsed.
You can be clear and kind at the same time
People often ask, “How do I say this without being mean?” And my answer is: say it with meaning, not malice. If it’s true, kind, and necessary, it’s worth saying. The trick is not to soften it so much that it becomes unrecognisable. Say it straight—but say it with respect.
If you want to build more of that communication clarity into your leadership, you’ll find more tools in this article on meaningful leadership conversations.
You might also find this Harvard Business Review article insightful—it breaks down the difference between clarity and criticism in feedback delivery.
You don’t need to feel ready. You need to feel steady.
Hard conversations aren’t about confidence. They’re about commitment. Committing to speak clearly. To listen properly. And to stand in discomfort if it means finding truth.
If your leadership depends on avoiding hard things, it’s not leadership. It’s silence. And silence rarely solves what needs to be said.
If you want support in preparing for these moments—and becoming the kind of leader who’s calm in the fire—book in a leadership session with me.
Or just get in touch here and we’ll chat about how to make tough talks a little less intimidating—and a lot more effective.
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