Anton Guinea
Entrepreneur, Speaker, bestselling author, and founder of The Guinea Group of Companies. For over 15 years, Anton has helped leaders move their teams to become psychologically safe, physically safe and overall better versions of themselves.
Have you ever wondered if being kind as a leader could make people take you less seriously?
I’ve been asked that question many times over the years, and I’ve also seen leaders wrestle with it in real time. It’s a fair concern. You want to be respected, but you don’t want to turn into the kind of leader people avoid or fear. In my experience, you can absolutely lead with kindness while holding onto your authority but it’s not about being nice all the time, and it’s definitely not about avoiding hard calls.
Kindness is not weakness
Some people still believe kindness means letting people get away with poor performance or avoiding tough conversations. I’ve learned it’s actually the opposite. Kindness is about respect for yourself, for your role, and for the people you lead.
Research from mckinsey shows that leaders who create psychological safety see stronger team performance and lower turnover. That doesn’t happen by accident; it’s built through everyday actions and decisions.
In my own work, I’ve seen leaders thrive when they commit to building a culture of kindness in leadership, not as a tactic, but as part of who they are. When it’s genuine, it earns trust, which makes authority easier to hold, not harder.
The danger of kindness without boundaries
I’ve also seen the other side. Leaders who confuse kindness with being overly accommodating often end up creating uncertainty. People aren’t sure what the standards are, because those standards shift depending on the leader’s mood or who’s asking the question. That’s not kindness, that’s avoiding discomfort.
Clear expectations are a kindness too. When people know where they stand, they feel safe enough to focus on their work. A difficult conversation handled respectfully can be far kinder than ignoring a problem until it festers. As the association for talent development points out, empathy and trust form the backbone of high-performing teams – but trust needs clarity to survive.
Balancing empathy with accountability
One of the most effective ways to keep authority while leading with empathy is to pair understanding with action. For example, if a team member is struggling with deadlines due to personal stress, you might work with them to reprioritise their workload. But you also make sure they know the deadlines that can’t be moved.
This is where emotional intelligence becomes a real asset. As I’ve shared before in my thoughts on leading with emotional intelligence, empathy doesn’t mean avoiding tough calls – it means making them in a way that respects the human impact. A study from the centre for creative leadership found that leaders with higher empathy ratings were consistently ranked higher in performance by their managers.
In Australia, the idea of psychological safety is also tied to legal responsibilities for workplaces. This means leaders can’t afford to think of kindness as a “nice-to-have” – it’s a core part of keeping teams safe and compliant.
Practical ways to be kind and stay respected
Over the years, I’ve developed a few habits that I believe any leader can use to strike this balance:
- Set clear expectations from the start – People can’t meet standards they don’t know about, and clarity is one of the greatest gifts you can give your team.
- Be consistent – Apply the same rules to everyone, including yourself, so that fairness is never in question.
- Stay calm under pressure – Even when things go wrong, your reaction sets the tone. This is something I focus on in speak safe training.
- Listen before you decide – People feel valued when they’re heard, even if the final decision isn’t what they hoped for. This aligns with research from springer on the link between active listening and leadership credibility.
- Follow through – Empty promises damage both kindness and authority. Leaders who act on what they say build reputations that last.
Authority is about trust, not fear
Too many leaders think authority means being the loudest voice in the room. In reality, authority comes from credibility. People will follow you if they believe you know where you’re going and you care about getting them there too. That’s why I always talk about building trust in leadership – because once trust is gone, no title or position will bring your authority back.
Stories that stay with me
I remember one project where a senior manager came in with a reputation for being “too nice”. The team liked him, but deadlines kept slipping. After a few honest conversations, he started setting clear boundaries while still showing support. Within a few months, the same team was hitting every target. He didn’t change who he was. He just learned that kindness and structure go hand in hand.
I’ve also worked with leaders who leaned on their authority without any kindness. Sure, things got done for a while. But eventually, staff turnover spiked, and the culture became toxic. As research from cambridge points out, authority without empathy often leads to disengagement and ethical blind spots.
Where to start
If you want to strengthen your leadership in this way, begin by looking at your own habits. Ask yourself:
- Do I avoid hard conversations in the name of being nice?
- Do my team members know exactly what’s expected of them?
- Do I hold myself to the same standards I set for others?
From there, you can start building the skills that make a difference. That might mean improving your feedback skills, learning more about the business value of kindness, or working with a leadership coach who understands how to balance empathy and authority.
Final thoughts
Kindness and authority aren’t enemies, they’re allies. If you can show your team you care about their wellbeing and their performance, you’ll create a culture where people want to give their best. That’s good for them, and it’s good for the organisation.
If you’d like to explore how to put this into action, get in touch or learn more about our training programs. Leading with kindness doesn’t mean losing authority – it means gaining the kind of respect that lasts.
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